LOVE DAZE.....(part 1)

I walk into an empty room
and suddenly my heart goes boom.
There's an orchestra of angels
Playing with my heart....

 Rewind a few months.  I'm still a working boy and it's early August 1985. I'd done the Friday night shift and slept over, ready to do the Saturday shift. I remember it had been a busy and late night and we hadn't got to sleep until at least around 2am.

Sometime just after 6.30am Tony and I are awoken by the sounds of loud laughter and talk from downstairs.  Coming down we are greeted by Graham and the most gorgeous boy I'd ever seen.

It is as if it were yesterday.  Graham wired to the eyeballs in the kitchen and this beautiful young boy sitting there.  Blonde hair, and eyes as blue as the bright blue jumper he was wearing.  Graham was showing off his latest pick up.  A boy he had picked up at the 'wall' the previous night.

The 'wall' is a section of Daringhurst Rd just as it meets Oxford St.  Defined by the sandstone 3 metre high convict built  wall built in the 1830's as the colonies early jail.  It was the place where dubious, mainly drug addicted street boys plied their trade late at night.  The jail is still there and at the time had been turned into a technical college - where not long after I would enrol.

Graham was in his element.  Showing off his 'new boy', wired to the max and unusually for him happy to dole out cocaine and allow us to sit outside smoking grass.  It was early morning so there was not much chance of any clients ringing the doorbell.

I have never believed in love  at first sight, but for me it was definitely a case of 'lust at first sight'. From the reactions of the boy, he had the same feelings towards me.  Tall, well built, blonde, innocent and handsome we seemed to hit it off straight away.  So much so that after an hour and a half Graham packed me off to open Diamond Lil's. I had no doubts that it was to get me away from this boy.

That would be the last I see of him I thought.   2 hours later and he suddenly appeared at Diamond Lil's. Keen to carry on our conversation, get stoned and spend the next few hours chatting with me.

It turned out that  he had just arrived from New Zealand and was living in a backpackers hostel in Kings Cross.  He told me that he wasn't gay but occasionally worked at the wall to earn living money.   Eventually I was called back to see a client at Brett's and we left each other with the promise of meeting up later that evening at Patch's nightclub.

I was infatuated with him from the moment I saw him.  I was on tenter hooks all day waiting to meet up with him later that evening.  I went, I waited and waited some more... by 3am it was clear I had been stood up so I decided to go back home.  I was still living in my Rushcutter's Bay apartment so the quickest and straightest route was to walk up Oxford St and along Darlinghurst Rd.

I had barely turned the corner when this boy appeared out of the shadows. It took me quite a bit of convincing to get him to come home with me as he was adamant that he was only 'gay for pay'.   I didn't care I was happy to have him back to my place and continue the evening getting stoned and whatever happened would happen. 

So we spent the night together, getting stoned, listening to music, talking and it was obvious (at least to me) that we could be at least good friends, if nothing more.  We slept together but didn't have sex.  One thing he did tell me was that he found me attractive, but just wasn't sure about his sexuality.  The other thing he told me was that he was 18, turning 19 in December.

We spent the following day together.  I cooked breakfast, we walked in the park, went back to the apartment and got stoned and then stopped at a restaurant in Kings Cross for lunch (all at my expense) before I walked him back to his hostel.

He had my phone number.  I worked on Sunday night and Monday day and Monday evening he was calling me.  I invited him around later in the evening, promising that one of my girlfriends was also coming so he needn't feel obligated.  I cooked us a delicious dinner and the three of partied late into the evening.  My friend Daisy Crocket (she was a Malcolm Mclaren fan and wore 'Buffalo Gal' style clothing, complete with a coonskin cap) slept on the couch and Matty and I again slept together, platonically.

This pattern continued for about two weeks until Daisy convinced him that I was a 'decent' person and the best option for him would be to move in with me, get out of the hostel, and have not only a friend but also someone who wasn't out to seduce him....not exactly true but I was entranced enough not to let that be an obstacle for the time being.

Matty was everything I was looking for.  Although younger than me, he was bigger, stronger, beautiful and charming.  Everyone loved him, but no one more than I.  He moved into my life, my apartment and my circle of friends.  Everyone was jealous and everyone was charmed by him.

The first night we had sex is still entrenched into my mind.  It was the same night I had been attacked and nearly killed by the client.  After returning to Brett's Boys he was there waiting for me.  In front of everyone he grabbed me, held me close and then gave me a long, securing, passionate kiss.  We went home and tentatively clung to each other......he undressed and said it was okay......I can still recall how nervous he was.  Shaking at my every touch, eventually calming and responding to my every desire and need.

He was to become my Knight in shining armour....he was to become my nightmare......