CHANGING DAZE...(part 1)

A goddess on a mountain top
Was burning like a silver flame,
The summit of beauty and love,
And Venus was her name.
She's got it,
Yeah, baby, she's got it.

Well I had it and in a few short minutes I lost it all.  I lost my position, power, financial security & lifestyle.  More importantly I had lost my friends and my sense of personal security not to mention my sense of trust.

For 3 days after my bashing I was a nervous wreck.  Jumping at every noise, every car door slamming and even jumping when the phone rang.  Matty was scathing in his response to my fear and poor Betty was torn between her guilt at having played a part in what had happened to me and having to keep her position at Brett's.

I probably made it worse for her as I stoically insisted that I didn't blame her for what had happened and understood that Louise had given her no option but to collude in the event.  So both Betty and Matty continued to work at Brett's while I tried to get myself together and decide on my next step.

I didn't only have the decision of a new career to make but I had to cope with the fact that in six months I would be in court and possibly in prison.  My stupid pride led me to believe that all would be forgiven and forgotten within a few weeks.  I really believed that Louise would realise how essential I had been in the success of Brett's Boys and would re - instate me.  So for nearly two weeks I lived in a drug filled haze where my world revolved around my house and garden and my dog.

Sure enough within a fortnight Louise rang me and asked to meet me for coffee.  Confident that Louise couldn't do without me (she had already shut down the second parlour) I met her and was determined to return only if she offered me my previous position.

Her revelations and offer were not what I had expected, but looking back I understand how I had cornered myself and played into everyone's hands.  Firstly she apologized for what she had had done to me but informed me that that was the only option she had.

According to her 'investigation' with the boys (and I assume it was mainly Colin and the other boy who fabricated the story) I was accused of running a hit squad amongst the workers and using force and blackmail to sell drugs.  Apparently my 'heavies' had forced the boys to buy drugs and only boys who were good buyers were given the priority shifts.  That I had fallen hook line and sinker into taking action by using violence in front of Louise was all the evidence she needed to confirm these totally false accusations - my own worst enemy!

Louise offered me a receptionist position at her girls parlour in Kings Cross. Even though she assured me this would only be for a few months and eventually I could return to my former role at Brett's I was too proud to accept.

I had done nothing wrong to her.  I had only ever tried my best to make Bretts the best parlour in Sydney and had done my utmost to ensure all the boys were treated equally and fairly - as much as the client requirements allowed.  I had even been accused of giving Matty the lions share of the driving jobs. Again this was untrue.  Matty had always been the 'second' driver and only given jobs when our regular driver, who had been with us since the Paddington days, was unavailable.

I felt betrayed by everyone.  All the boys who I had mothered and loved.  The boys who I had happily offered credit when they wanted drugs but couldn't pay for at the time.  I never once pushed for repayment, and often had to wait weeks to get my money back.  The only limits I had put was that I wouldn't let any of  the boys go over $100 in credit. This was not for my benefit, but rather for the benefit of the boys. I figured if they weren't making money then I shouldn't allow them to in-debt themselves to a point where they were financially 'in the shit'.  I had even given some of the boys free drugs when they were in this position.

Mostly I felt betrayed by Louise.  Without my loyalty and hard work her take-over of Brett's would not have been the windfall that it turned out to be.  My stubborn pride refused to see that she was also in a position where she had to act in a certain way.  Taking me back would have undermined the boys accusations and possibly led to a mass walk out with Colin leading the way.  She was a business women after all.

Here she was offering me a lifeline and quietly intimating that my lowered status would only be temporary.  In the back of my mind though were the words of my mother's friend who, only a few short months before had read my tarot cards. 'Beware of a tall dark haired woman and a fair headed man'.  In my eyes this was Louise and her husband.

Probably I was correct in assuming that the tall dark haired woman was Louise.  Looking back I know I was totally wrong in believing the fair headed man to be her husband. Combined with this prophesy and my own stubborn pride I politely refused Louise's offer and that was the last time I saw her.

Within a few short weeks Matty was told his driving position was no longer needed.  He came home and bashed the hell out of me.  This was the first time in nearly 3 years that he had hit me.  Foolishly, although stunned, bruised and battered, I accepted his apology, Later in the evening when he took me in his arms and led me to his bedroom I allowed him to make love to me and foolishly believed that we were again a couple in the true sense of the word.

With our money running out it came as a total shock when Betty announced that he would be returning to Queensland and his family.  I don't know whether it was his sense of guilt seeing me every day - by this time I was running out of both money and drugs- or that he was being given a hard time at Brett's by Colin who had taken total control of the business. 

So not only had Betty betrayed me and been an accomplice to my punishment but now my best friend was also deserting me when I was most in need of a friend.  I didn't take it well and Betty left without either of us saying goodbye.

A week later I received a phone call from his mother.  Betty had committed suicide by overdosing on sleeping pills. My gorgeous, full of fun, best friend and only confidant was gone.  I blamed myself totally.  Two lives changed and one beautiful life gone for ever all because of my actions.  It couldn't get worse.......