I, I who have nothing, I, I who have no one
Must watch you go dancing by
Wrapped in the arms of somebody else when darling, it's I
Who loves you, who loves you
Who loves you
1992. 11 years since I had run away from home. They were the best days of my life and they had been the worst days of my life. I think the best way to sum it up is by using a line from Star Trek 'It's life Jim, but not as we know it'.
Suddenly my life was taking a whole new turn. Christine moved in around the same time that I graduated from University with my teaching diploma. I had managed to not only complete the course but come out with an above average score - unfortunately not enough to get me an immediate teaching placement. I would be put on a waiting list for casual teachers and had to hope that the offers would start coming in.
Along with this was the new home life which I had to try and adjust to. Even though I was only home 3 nights a week and for a short while on Saturday mornings it was hard to accept the change in Matty and my relationship. To make matters worse everyone at the Taxi company was aghast at the sudden change in mine and Matty's relationship. They were all used to Matty's occasional flings with girls but couldn't get their head around him taking up with Christine.
Watching him and Christine kiss and cuddle all night long, seeing her run around after him like a love sick puppy and worst of all hearing them at nights making love in the room right next to me. I was certain that she deliberately groaned as loud as possible just to upset me and then the following morning she had that smug look upon her face as if to say 'he's mine'. For the first time in 7 years I was playing second fiddle to Matty and it was hard to accept.
I didn't dislike Christine, in fact I tried really hard to be her friend, but deep down I knew she resented my presence, resented my close ties with Matty and slowly but surely started creating rifts between us. She wasn't a pot smoker and within a few months she made it clear that she didn't want Matty smoking. Unknown to her his frequent bouts of sickness, which had re-started, scared him enough to decide to quit smoking pot. I was told that from then on I could only smoke in my bedroom. Of course he was just playing a game with her and on many occasions would slip into my room to share a few bongs - she never complained directly but her reactions made it clear that she was not only upset but saw me as a bad influence.
She began to instil her own routines for cooking and cleaning which just didn't fit into my schedule. Even though I was home alone most days and had the house clean and sparkling every day she started complaining to Matty that I wasn't helping her. It was useless pointing out that when she cleaned I was at work or still sleeping after a late night shift (I was deliberately doing as much overtime as possible) and that she was only re-cleaning a spotless house anyway.
There seemed to be no compromise so I began to spend most of my free time out of the house. I started spending time with friends from work and it was here that I met my best friend Kylie who would be a good friend for the next 10 years.
She was totally not my type of person. Lived in the suburbs, had a passion for 1970's rock bands and was straight! But she was lovely. Her mother was on welfare and had two other children, both grown up and all by different fathers. They were a strange family but loving and welcoming and I could go there and smoke pot with them all and pretend that this was my family - we were really that close.
One day whilst I was at Kylie's we were getting stoned and watching TV. An add came on announcing that there were still seats available for that afternoons taping. In a stoned moment we decided to ring up and get tickets. The TV station was only a 10 minute drive away. Sitting in the audience ready to watch the filming of 'Supermarket Sweep' the announcer said 'Will the man with the jar of Cottee's Marmalade come on down?" It took me quite a few seconds to realise that I was the 'man' and Kylie and I went running down the stairs and made our television debut.
It was an absolute hoot. Being stoned my reflexes took some time to get into gear before I was hitting the buzzer and getting every question correct. The Host and his beautiful assistant took an instant liking to us and between breaks spent their time chatting to us and almost ignoring the other 4 contestants. When the finale came and I had to run around the 'supermarket' filling the trolley with as many items as possible the announcer called out "look at that boy shop!" It was true - I was racing down the aisles and stuffing my trolley with as many items as I could grab. It was the best minute of my life. We didn't win as one of the other contestants managed to snag the mystery item which gave them bonus points. We won a bed set with a matching doona which we had to share.
My other escape was in the evenings when I wasn't working. It started out quite innocently but became a regular habit which was both dangerous and exciting. I used to walk up to Newtown to buy dinner. To get there I had to go through Newtown Park which is an old cemetery and had become a regular gay beat. The park is a beautiful oasis surrounded by old, tiny Victorian terraces crammed cheek to jowl. Originally the cemetary took up the whole park but at some stage the headstones were taken up and all put within the original church walls which form the top corner of the park.
I started off buying dinner and sitting in the park to eat it. It wasn't long before I realised that the looks I was getting from men walking past were more than friendly. Believe it or not I had never done a beat in my life. I hadn't really had the need to and the ones that I knew of were the typical grungy toilet blocks with 'dirty old men' lurking around - it just wasn't my type of thing.
But 11 years of sex on tap had been over for a few years and I could count on one hand the number of times I had sex with Matty during that time. The need was there and it wasn't long before I was hooked. This was just an extension of my personality - no matter what it was I couldn't get enough, whether it was drugs or sex, it would be a recurring theme for many years.
During my childhood Newtown had been a 'slum' suburb on the edge of the city. It's inhabitants were a mixture of old time working class or unemployed Australians and Greek immigrants, plus lots of crumbling second hand furniture stores. By the early 90's it was going through it's first stage of urban renewal, with, as was typical, the gay community being the first to start moving in. It was a beautiful suburb. One of the oldest in Sydney and full of an amazing mix of old Colonial mansions, working class terraces, warehouses and lovely tree lined streets. I loved every nook and cranny of it and soon knew almost every street intimately.
My evenings out were not only a blissful escape from having to watch Matty and Christine's sickening infatuation, but also a much needed release for my sexual frustration. I never went home unsatisfied, I was very particular about who I chose to have sex with and soon had a regular retinue of boys who would come and go. Having sex in the dark, foreboding grounds of the church cemetery was a thrill which I really enjoyed. During the daytime I often took my dog there and spent my time reading the amazing and sad epitaphs which outlined the hard but interesting lives of the early settlers.
It didn't take long for Matty to start asking what I was doing out every night. I told him that I was going out to dinner then drinking at the Newtown Hotel, which was a gay bar. He wasn't really concerned that I wasn't home - he was just feeling scorned that I wasn't spending time with him any more. I told him that as Christine had restricted my 'one pleasure' (smoking pot) in my own home that I preferred going out where I felt more comfortable. When he said but you can still smoke in your room I told him that that made me feel even more uncomfortable and like a school kid, having to hide in my room to smoke.
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