The more I think about sex, the better it gets.
Here we have a purpose in life:
Good for the blood circulation,
Good for releasing the tension,
The root of our reincarnations.
I see myself suddenly
On the piano, as a melody.
My terrible fear of dying
No longer plays with me,
for now I know that I'm needed
For the symphony.
I spent a lot of my time looking at blue--
No wonder that I blue it!
Flash forward to 1999 and I was diagnosed with cancer. I had developed a squamous-cell carcinoma on my tongue. 6 months of fear, pain and anger and I successfully recovered from surgery. It's another chapter but today it seems to have come back to haunt me. Last night I suddenly realised that I have developed another lesion on my tongue. It's probably been hiding there for months but it made me realise that this blog will be one of the few things I will have for people to remember me by.
Back to 1995......although I never said a word to Nuno's parents about what I had done it soon became apparent that my actions had worked. The first indicator happened in class a few days later when David suddenly asked Jack to share his 'computer time'. Jack was almost as shocked as I was. David wasn't a bad kid. He was just a kid who had a tough life and I believe he realised as much as I did that Jack didn't have it much better. This eased tensions in the class no end and my actions soon became talked about. It was almost the end of term and suddenly we had numerous applications from Glebe families to enrol their children at Camperdown for term 2.
A few weeks after visiting David's mum Nuno's parents knocked on my door. Carrying a big bunch of flowers and asking me if I would be able to come to their house on the following Saturday to celebrate both Nuno's return and his 18th birthday. How could I refuse?
It was an amazing day in so many ways. Jack and Nuno's parents, despite being poor, had gone to great efforts to organize an amazing feast of Portuguese food (and wine for us adults) and ensure the day was more about me than Nuno. That was slightly embarrassing as it should have been Nuno's day but to refuse or leave early would have insulted them. They were truly grateful for what I had done for them and for ensuring that Nuno was now able to safely return to the family.
For me it was a time of both reward and reflection. Rewarding because I was truly happy that my efforts had made such a difference to them and reflective because it reminded me of my own childhood. Strict immigrant parents, proud and protective, and doing everything they could to give their kids a better chance in life than they had. It also made me realise that Nuno was just a kid, even though he was now 18, and after the experience he had bee through a kid who needed to get himself straightened out. He didn't need me there to complicate things.
Later in the evening, when he walked me home, we shared a couple of cones and eventually ended up in bed. It was at his urging, but I told him that, even though this was something I wanted, it was going to be the only time. I think he understood why it couldn't be anything regular or permanent. To say that it was both a wonderful and memorable encounter would be an understatement. We remained close friends and within a few weeks I had managed to get him a mechanics apprenticeship with a local firm whom I knew through school. Over the next few years I would see him blossom into a skilled young man - that was reward enough for me.
With the events that were about to happen I was lucky that Camperdown became my 'purpose in life' and would remain so until mid 1997. It was only a short time but it was possibly the rewarding time of my life. I loved the school and I felt a great empathy for both the students and their parents. More importantly I was just what the school needed. Someone young, passionate and someone who would bring the school out of it's decline and give both the resident teachers and students the opportunity to move forward.
Besides the principal who was in her early 60's and had taught at the school for over 20 years, the two other teachers were also elderly ladies, who while excellent teachers were, like the principal, stuck in a time warp and afraid to embrace the technology and new teaching methods which were beginning to become mandatory in public schools in the mid 90's.
With Nuno finally 'out of my system' I still had the issue of being on my own and watching Matty and Christine flaunting their romance at every opportunity. I wasn't happy going out at nights and obtaining sexual gratification from quick pick ups. Physically they were good fun, mentally they were easy to deal with, but morally (ironic coming from an ex-prostitute) they made me feel sick to my stomach. I still had that guilty baggage that a strict catholic and Victorian era parenting endowed me with - and I was still desperately in love with Matty.
On one of my nights out at the Newtown Hotel I met a really cute and lovely Aboriginal boy who I started to see regularly. Just using the term 'Aboriginal' sounds extremely racist. Believe me, I've never had a racist or bigoted bone in my body, but it it important as it was to become another amazing and insightful chapter in my life.
In the 6 weeks we were seeing each other I would be introduced into the world of 'The Block'. Sydney's still notorious Aboriginal ghetto in the suburb of Redfern - you can google 'Redfern Now' and watch an amazing TV series that is very true to life from my experience. Long story short, I ventured into a world that wasn't much different to my days of living in Kings Cross, except that here whole families lived a similar lifestyle.
Welfare recipients, marginalized from the comfort of suburbia and the Australian Dream, drug and alcohol dependant, but proudly independent and loyal to each other. Robbie (that was his name) lived with his Aunty and extended family of cousins. He was a happy go lucky beautiful boy. Jobless and without much thought to his future, he was still good fun. We would spend lots of time with his community but couldn't have sex at his house. Not because his family disapproved but because there were so many people living in the house, not too mention neighbours coming and going, that it just wasn't comfortable or convenient.
So we would generally spend the afternoon with his family, drinking, smoking, eating and having a great time before walking down to the Newtown Hotel for a few drinks and then on to my place. We always stayed in my room and tried as hard as possible to not intrude on Matty and Christine. However with the toilet at the back of the house it meant that we couldn't avoid each other totally.
While I tried to minimise any disruptions to Matty and Christine, it was hard to avoid. Robbie soon realized that he wasn't particularly welcome and our relationship began to cool off. Before that happened however Matty approached me one night just after Robbie had left. He told me that Christine wasn't comfortable with what was going on and asked me if I would stop bringing Robbie to our place. This wasn't just Christine (although I'm sure she had a big part in it) but also Matty. It had been the same for years. Any time I started getting close with another boy Matty always got jealous, usually allowing himself to sleep with me and knowing that I would immediately give up which ever boy I was seeing and spend the next few weeks pretending that Matty and I were an item again!
It all ended up in a huge argument, after Robbie had pointed out that I was not prepared to have a real relationship with anyone as long as Matty was around and dropped me like a stone - after letting me buy him 3 rounds of drinks. I went home and tried to have it out with Christine and Matty. I didn't stand a chance. Matty feigned sickness and Christine just told me it was plain selfish for me to be having a good time while Matty was sick and throwing it in his face.
The rest of 1995 would be one of the most eventful and changing periods of my life.......
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