GLORY DAZE.......(Part 1.)

They arrived at an inconvenient time
I was hiding in a room in my mind
They made me look at myself
I saw it well, I'd shut the people out of my life
So now I take the opportunities
Wonderful teachers ready to teach me
I must work on my mind
For now I realize
Everyone of us has a heaven inside

It was the last Saturday of March 1996 when my life would take a dramatic, and I think positive, change.  For 3 months I had hidden myself away from the world wallowing in my own misery.  I was content with my job, my marijuana and having my beautiful dog as my sole companion.  The only socializing I did was with John and Trudi - when I bought drugs, my girlfriend from the laundromat who would occasionally drop in after work and my neighbour, who also shared the occasional smoke with me.

It was he who was to change my life.  That Saturday, the day of the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras, he popped over for a smoke and gave me an Ecstasy tablet.  He told me I could only have it provided I went out that night and enjoyed myself.  He told me he and his wife were worried about me constantly hiding away from everything and ever body.  He was right of course but I could not, or did not see that I had a life ahead of me without Matty.

I had never said no to drugs before and I wasn't about to this time.  However I seriously had second thoughts for most of the evening.  I had a vague idea that the pill would be similar to LSD and I wasn't sure my mind was ready for that.  I was sure that if I went out I would end up somewhere balling my eyes out.  I wasn't worried about taking a new drug just concerned that I would have an negative reaction. 

David popped over again around 8.30 pm.  I hadn't showered or dressed and after a few smokes he asked me if I was going to go out.  I told him I was but had seriously considered staying in.  He promised me that I would really enjoy myself and it would do me good. I decided he was probably right and thought that if it didn't go as he planned then I could always come home again.

So I got ready and took half a pill around 10pm assuming it would take at least an hour or more to take effect.  I took my dog for a long walk and half way home, as the dog was relieving himself I suddenly realized that I was tingling all over and swaying to the music coming from one of the neighbour's houses who were having a party.

I rushed home and took the plunge, hailed a taxi outside the door and headed of to The Imperial.  It was really the only gay place I knew.  I hadn't been out in years.  I could count on one hand the number of times since 1985 when I had actually gone to a club.  The Imperial I knew from living nearby when I was at Stanmore.  By the time we got there I was already peaking - not that I knew what that was at the time.  I only knew that I felt fabulous.  Happy and full of wonder at the world around me and with enormous amounts of energy that I wanted to express.

The Imperial was closed!  I was too far in to back out now.  So I asked the driver to take me to Oxford St.  He replied that being Mardi Gras he wouldn't be able to drive all the way there due to traffic blockades and street closures but would get me as close as possible.  He dropped me off at the bottom of Crown and Cleveland St in Surry Hills.  It was a good 20 minute walk to the other end of Crown St and Oxford St.  How amazing was it to be walking (peaking wildly) past my very first rental.  I can recall standing outside for what seemed like ages and recalling my wild, new wave daze sharing with Ren and Simon.  Then I remembered the 'ghost' and started shivering - it was time to move on.

Oxford St was still packed with people. Some still hanging around after the parade had passed by and others returning to continue their night.  Everyone was happy and laughing and dancing and hugging.  It was exactly what I wanted to do - for the first time in years.  I turned right and squeezed my way through the crowd until I found myself outside Midnight Shift.  I took a deep breath and stood in the queue, my heart racing, my feet tapping and my expectations high.

The Midnight Shift was one of Sydney's premier gay bars.  In my day during the early 1980's it had been a leather bar and somewhere I wouldn't have been seen dead in.  Times change and so had the Shift. The music and the crowd were pumping and so was I.  grabbing a drink from the bar I stood overlooking the dance floor letting the euphoria of the pill and the buzz of the crowd take me away.  It wasn't long before I was on the floor and having the time of my life.  I danced alone, I danced with countless lovely happy boys, and when I was sure I was handling the pill I went to the bathroom and took the other half.

BAMM!  The rest of the night was a blur of lights and colour and boys and rhythm.  I was in heaven and I wanted everyone to be there with me.  I danced and danced the night away.  Only stopping for wee breaks and once or twice going outside to cool off and have a cigarette.  The world on ecstasy is truly wonderful.  Lights twirl brightly, people all seem lovely, the air is fresh and crisp and you feel not only happy and friendly but incredibly horny as well. I couldn't stand still for more than a few minutes though.  I had numerous proposals to go home with boys, not too mention some very intimate gropes while queuing for the toilet, but I had too much energy and just wanted to dance to every song that the DJ played.  I was one of the last to leave the dance floor sometime around 5am in the morning.

Stepping outside I was waiting for a taxi when a really cute boy approached me and started chatting.  We ended up going on to a 24 hour hotel and having a drink before he asked me if I wanted to go back to his apartment and share an ecstasy pill with him.  I should have realized that he was already smashed, but being me I was too caught up in enjoying myself to notice.  We got to his apartment and he brought out a joint and an pill.  He was too drunk to cut it in half and so I ended up doing it.  My first time on Ecstasy and I was already an expert!

After popping the pill and smoking the joint we started fondling each other.  I was just starting to unbutton his shirt when I heard him snoring.  He had fallen fast asleep!  Nothing was going to wake him and so after 10 minutes or so of feeling stupid I decided to let myself out and go home.  I was really buzzing now.  My legs were sore but my energy levels were really high.  I got home and was still rearing to party.  I couldn't believe how wonderfully happy I was feeling.

It was not even 7am and I just wanted to dance and party.  My neighbour was still sleeping and it was too early to go to visit John and Trudi.  I took my dog up to the park and stayed for over an hour relishing the freshness of the morning and the wonder of the panoramic view laid out before my eyes.  Back home I was still full of energy so I showered and hopped on a bus and went shopping!

I returned home laden with new clothes and cd's and spent an hour dancing in my lounge room in my new, and after years of conservative dressing, really trendy clothes.  I was as horny as hell and was delighted when one of my massage clients, a young, handsome tradesman rang me to see if I was free.  It turned out he had also been out and was returning home.  He was just as high as I was and we had a fabulous time, going way beyond our usual massage and hand job.  After he left my neighbour came over.  He was thrilled to see me happy and smiling - probably the first time he had seen me like this.

And so began a new period on my life.  A time of fun and reveling. A time where I would finally regain my self confidence, a time where I would meet many new friends and do new things.  A time where I finally started re - experiencing the joy of life and being me.